Still I will praise?

And he said,"........ The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD."

Job 1:21 

We had a scare this week.

Owen fell crawled off the bed. 

I heard the thump and ran in there as fast as I could. As I opened our bedroom door, where he had been asleep on our bed, he began crying screaming. I scooped him up, rushed to the couch and nursed him as quickly as I possibly could. He calmed down almost immediately. 

I thought nothing else of it.

Then, later when I was feeding him some apples I noticed he was twitching really weird. Everytime he took a bite his left shoulder would go up, his head would lean into the shoulder and he would stiffen his arms. I thought it was kinda weird but shrugged it off because it looked like a reaction to a sour taste. He was congested so I thought maybe his taste buds were off a little and the apples were hitting them wrong. So, he was twitching like that. He didn't eat much and we went about our day. 

I kept the weird twitching in the back of my mind though.

Later, I sat him down and tried to feed him some carrots since he wasn't very interested in the apples. He started twitching again. This time it freaked me out. He was acting like a baby I didn't know. And, it scared me. I stopped feeding him, sat him on the ground and watched him a little. He was crawling and acting normal in every way-except-  he was twitching. 

So, what does every mother do these days? Google the problem. BIG mistake. 

Up popped what to watch for in the 24 hours after a fall/head trauma. Guess what was on the list. Twitching.

I didn't think he had hit head. Was I wrong? Maybe. So, the mom in me began to silently panic. I was doing really good until a friend called and had a question for me. I answered and she asked how I was doing. I said fine. She didn't buy it. So, I spoke my fear aloud. 

I decide to call the pediatrician who was almost closed. I told them what was going on and they suggested I take him to a local pediatric urgent care. I decided to wait until Derek got home to see what he thought. I fed Owen a little more food to show Derek what he was doing. Derek thought it was just a reaction to food and thought we should watch him and see how he was doing.

So, we went to our small group. I shared with them what was going on and they prayed for our little O-man. 

When we got home I gave Owen a bath. In the bath he started twitching again. Not only that but it looked like he was shivering through his shoulders. Very weird. I didn't think it had to do with the bath water because he never does that in the bath. I really started to worry at this point. It seemed like his arm movements weren't as fluid as they normally are. I also noticed that his shoulders weren't even. The right was higher than the left. Noticably so.

What was wrong with my perfect little boy? Could that fall have altered the rest of his life? What kind of mother was I to let a crawling baby continue to sleep in our bed-the only bed he has ever known. All these thoughts ran through my mind as I sat and literally cried out to God to heal whatever appeared to be wrong. 

I put him to bed and hopped on facebook. Fortunately, there was a couple friends still online and available to chat. One was from our small group and knew (somewhat) what was going on. She suggested I talk to another girl, who is a nurse, from our small group if she was still awake. Turns out she was.

I talked to her and let her know exactly what Owen was doing. She suggested I take him to the ER. That's what I figured she was going to say. Somehow I kinda hoped she wouldn't. 

Suggesting the ER was like validating that there was something wrong. 

She even said she'd meet me up there and wait with me so Derek could stay home with the girls. It was after midnight at this point. This offer came from an 8 month pregnant woman who had to be back up at the hospital the next morning for her normal shift. Wow. What an amazing friend. 

I woke Derek up-he had to be up for work by 5 am-he was fast asleep. I talked to him about the suggestion to take Owen to the ER. Even with everything we had seen Owen do Derek still felt like we should wait until the morning and take him to his normal pediatrician. I was so torn. I wanted to take him to the ER because I wanted to know what was wrong. But, I knew they would do a CT scan. On my 6 month old. And, we've had experience with ER doctors being completely ignorant when it comes to treating infants. Both of these things made us leary of taking him in that night. So, Derek made the final decision to just stay home and let Owen keep sleeping. 

I must admit, I was a bit mad at Derek. Didn't he understand the inner turmoil I was experiencing? Didn't he know I wouldn't be able to sleep? My night would be full of thinking out the rest of Owen's life with this-whatever it was- wrong with him. Ugh.

I woke up the next morning and called the pediatricians office at 8:32. They opened at 8:30. They told me the first available appointment was at 2:40.

2:40?? Are you kidding me? I call 2 minutes after opening and the earliest they can get me in was 2:40? I was.not.a.happy.camper. They told me I could go ahead and take him to an ER or urgent care to be checked out. After I explained what was going on again they said it was likely they would send him there anyways-for a CT scan. 

I talked to my mom and she helped me decide to just wait it out and take him to the appointment. He was acting fine except for an occasional twitch. He was laughing, crawling all over and being his same joyful self for the most part. So, other then the odd twitching he really did seem fine. We went to my parents house for a while before the appointment. During that time my mom also noticed Owens shoulders were way out of alignment. She suggested maybe he just needed an adjustment. He did fall of the bed. Maybe there was a pinched nerve or something causing him to act weird. Maybe? I did take some peace in the thought that that could be the case.

As I drove the Drs appointment tons of thoughts rushed through my mind. 

One,I must admit, wasn't very pleasant.

I thought 'Lord, I honestly don't know how I can praise you through this if something is wrong with Owen.' 

Wow. Ouch. Did that really just run through my mind? But, then I thought again 'Really, Lord? I have this perfect little guy and something like a fall off the bed could suddenly shape the rest of his life? And I still would need to praise you? Really?' 

As much as I would have loved to believe those things would never cross my mind, ever, they did. 

I wasn't ready for "the rain". 

I thought I was. 

But, once I was faced with the possibility I really didn't think I was ready.

Once at the pediatricians office, after explaining everything that was going on, she noticed he had an ear infection in his right ear. He also was on the verge of an infection in his left ear. 

Could that explain the twinging when he swallowed?

I also pointed out the fact that his shoulders were sloping. She agreed that they were, very much so. I also pointed out a spot on Owens back that was sticking out. I had just assumed that it was his shoulder blade poking out weird because he fell and was out of alignment. She agreed that was a possibility but mentioned another patient that had a "mass" pop up in that same spot. So, she didn't want to ignore it. 

She decided to send us to a pediatric chiropractor to have Owen's back, shoulders and ears adjusted. 

Yes, they can adjust the ears to help clear up an ear infection.

She also put him on some homeopathic stuff to clear up the infection. 

On a side note; we love our pediatricians practice. They'll treat naturally if they can before they pump our kids full of antibiotics, which we love. 

She suggested that she thought that Owen was twinging oddly because he had an (almost) double ear infection for the first time. So, it felt weird and painful and thats how he was reacting. That, coupled with the fact that a nerve or something was probably being pinched from being out of alignment, from the fall, made sense to her to be the cause of his odd behavior. She checked out his neurological responses and they all seemed to be just fine. She really felt it was those 2 issues causing the twinging. She wanted the chiropractor to take a look at the "mass" in his back and get her opinion on whether or not it should be looked into. (read: x-rayed or had a sonogram done) All the while my Dr never gave me the impression that she really feared that "mass" was anything to be concerned about. She just wanted to be safe and not ignore it.

I felt peace with that. I trust our pediatricians office. I trust they will make the best, and most healthy, decision for our kids. I haven't always had that trust with other pediatricians. Which is why we sought out this practice. But, thats an entirely different topic. 

I told her I was so relieved I listened to my husband when he wanted me to wait. I told her we didn't feel comfortable with taking Owen into an ER and most likely being subjected to a CT scan, even though it appeared as though it might be needed. She agreed. She said they probably would have and they would have pumped him full of anti-biotics for the ear infection. So, by waiting we avoided both of those things. Thank you, Lord! 

As I drove to the chiropractor I felt at peace. I felt we found the problem.

We went to the chiropractor and she adjusted his back, shoulders and ears. She tested his range of motion in his arms and shoulders and really didn't find any cause for concern as far as that was concerned. She felt the "mass" and really thought it was just swollen tissue from the fall and him being out of alignment. She wanted me to continue to watch him over the next 24 hours and make sure he wasn't favoring one arm over the other. Then, we were to come back the next day to see if the swelling had gone down.

 When we left the chiropractor I felt I could finally relax. I got in the car and just cried. I felt.so.exhausted. I had been wrapped in this emotional turmoil for the past 24 hours to finally come to this point and be told the problem was.....fixable. It appeared as though Owen would be ok!

As I sat and called the few people we had shared what was going on with I realized how richly blessed we are. (We really didn't share this with any friends other then our small group and family because we wanted to know what was going on first.)

Not only do we have family to love and genuinely care about us (which we value beyond measure!), we have friends who do too. 

You expect family to care. 

He's theres too. 

But, for friends to have not been able to sleep because of worry over our little guy is something different. 

To have friends who felt that inner sickening feeling for us knowing something might be wrong with Owen, that is something different.

For friends to have been flooding the gates of Heaven on behalf of our little guy, is something different.

We are blessed. 

THAT is the body. 

I really had to repent that night when I realized the horror of the things I thought. The fact that I questioned whether or not I would still be able to praise if something were wrong with Owen. How dissapointed I was am in myself. I thought I was stronger then that. Guess I just realized how much more I need Him. I can not be that strong.

But, He can.

Thank you, Lord, for your goodness. 

Thank you, Lord, for your body-our family-your people. 

Thank you, Lord, for our little guy. Even if he's not always perfect.