Raw{e} Girly

I decided to join this weeks Raw{e} theme over at Sailor and Company.  I had the perfect picture for last weeks theme but with everything going on with my dad I didn't have time to get it off my camera and onto the computer....much less my blog. Oh well. This weeks theme is girly. What could be more girly than playing outside on a swing set dressed as a princess?! This is Audrey a few months ago. Its also one of my favorite pictures of her. I think one reason I love it so much -- other than the fact that it's an adorable picture!-- is because the colors are so vibrant straight out of the camera!

 Please continue to keep her in your prayers. We have her MRI scheduled for tomorrow morning. I really have peace that everything will come back fine and her eye problem is just some freak thing. Once the results are back we can set a date for surgery and get her taken care of and back to normal! God is good!

In Memory of My Dad- Mark Fredde

Derek and I put this together in memory of my dad.

Two Weeks Ago

Two weeks ago I lost my dad.

He had had a massive heart attack the previous Sunday and was on life support. 

After running a CT scan, a base line test for brain activity and talking to the nuerologist to get an idea where everything stood with his brain we made the decision to withdraw the machines that were keeping him alive.

I believe he was probably already gone on Sunday. The paramedics had to resuscitate him at the house and again at the ER. It was estimated he was without oxygen for 20 minutes in the ER alone. That wasn't counting the time without oxygen at the house before the EMTs arrived. I believe they brought his physical body back to life with machines.

Even though I felt like he was already gone having to actually be apart of making the decision to have the machines withdrawn- the machines that were keeping his body alive- was one of the most awful decisions of my life. One I hope to never again have to make. 

Lots of people have asked if I was close to my dad. Regardless of how close or distant you are from a parent when their death comes you're still losing a mom or dad. But, to answer the question; yes and no. There have been times in my life that I have been closer to my dad. Unfortunately, the last 2 1/2 years have not been one of those times. Partly by our (Derek and my) choice and partly by his. But, whats done is done and you can't change time. Previous to that my dad has been in and out of my life by his choice. 


When I look back at my dads involvement, or lack thereof at times, in my life I feel an amazing amount of grace and forgiveness for him. Two things only the Lord can supply me with. Without the Lord holding my hand, in my relationship with my earthly father, through my life I could have developed into a bitter woman from the experiences with my dad. But, the Lord has given me his eyes to see my dad through and grace to see that my dad was just a hurting person. 


That Sunday morning, before I had gotten word of my dads heart attack, I was standing in the shower having this conversation with God. Derek and I had been reading a book that prompted our conversation the night before as to why, if our faith is really that important to us, aren't we screaming from the rooftops and banging down the doors of our friends and family members that we love making sure they get their relationships right with the Lord. There were 3 people who came to mind as I was standing in the shower talking to the Lord about this. Wondering why I haven't made sure these people know what the Word says about where they possibly stand with the Lord. My dad was one of them. One person who accepted the Lord as a child but bore no real fruit as an adult. One person who, out of shear love for him and Him, I should have made sure he knew how much I loved him by making sure he knew how much He loved him. 
But I didn't. 
And, I know that ultimately that is the Holy Spirits work. But, I also know that as a believer and follower of Christ its my job to spread His truth. 

And, I failed with my own dad. 

I don't know where I stand theologically on the whole once saved always saved. Or can you lose your salvation. Or anything like that. But, what I do know is that we don't know the number of days the Lord has ordained for us or anyone we know. And how important it is to make sure we're right with the Lord always. And to make sure we're carrying out our responsibility here on earth to share the gospel. 

And, I hope that I one day get to see my daddy again.


My dad wanted to be cremated so we put off a memorial service for a few weeks. This Sunday is the service. Please continue to pray for my family. Please pray for my boldness when it comes to the 2 other people the Lord brought to mind that morning. Because my faith is important enough and I do love them enough to make sure they're aware of what the Word says.

Audreys Eyes

Many have asked how Audreys eye appointment went this afternoon so I thought the easiest thing was to write it all out on here and share it via my blog....rather than over and over again on an individual basis.

The opthamologist diagnosed Audrey with something called Cyclic Esotropia. She said it is very rare and often caused by trauma, which is not the case for Audrey. After reading up on it a little apparently some opthamologists can go their entire career and never have a patient with it. Another site said 'its extremely rare and poorly understood.' Her CT scan in the ER on Friday came back clear but this Dr wants to do a MRI to see if there is something else going on that the CT scan wouldnt/couldnt pick up on. She mentioned looking at the smaller tissues and checking for brain leisions. Needless to say the fact that she wants to do a MRI kinda freaks me out so we decided we want a second opinion. We have a scheduled appt with another Dr on Friday. Praise God they had a cancellation and could get us in so quickly! So, we'll see from there. THe Dr today told us the only way to correct this is surgery so we shall see.

Basically Cyclic Esotropia means a cycle to the eye(s) crossing  inwards. 24 hours straight, 24 hours crossed. This is EXACTLY what is happening with Audrey. Around nap time (before and/or after) her eye might try to straighten on a crossed day or try to cross on a straight day, but thats momentary and doesnt last. 

The Dr told us to patch the 'good' eye a few hours a day on the crossed days but everything we've read online (either from the very very limited studies we've found or from parents themselves) says that can make it worse. So, we'll be happy to get a second opinion, and possibly third, and be able to go from there.

So, thats where we stand with Audrey. Please just pray for her appt on Friday and some more answers from that Dr.

As if this week couldn't possibly get any worse....

I wanted to put a quick update on my blog to let our friends know whats going on and how they can pray for us.

We have our first scheduled family vacation (ever) scheduled to start THIS Friday. The plan is to go to Orlando to visit some friends and spend a week at Disney World. The kids have been looking forward to this for months. The past 2 weeks have been brutal for them because of the anticipation and excitement.  


I'll start with yesterday since that was the worst day and work my way backwards. This might be long so bare with me. 


Yesterday morning, right before we go to church, my brother called to let me know  my real dad had a massive heart attack. Without all the gory details hes basically on life support and theyre trying to get him stable enough to do a CT scan to check for brain activity. It is believed he was without oxygen for 20-30 minutes. He was worked on for awhile at the house by the EMT and then again worked on for awhile at the ER to get him back. As of now hes not breathing on his own at all and is in a medically induced coma to let his body rest. He was having seizures yesterday until they could get those under control with meds...which then caused some different problems. They had to stop the seizure medication and get those other issues taken care of and reintroduced the meds at a slower pace. As of right now we're waiting for them to get the CT scan done to be able to know what all has happened/is happening.
There is so much more to the story but those are the basics. Please just keep my dad and my family in your prayers.

This past Friday Audrey woke up and about an hour into the morning her eyes went crossed. And, she couldnt uncross them. We have never noticed her eyes crossing before and this was very sudden. We took her to Childrens Medical Center ER and after a CT scan to rule out any kind of nerve damage or anything else causing interferance with the nerves controlling the eyes it was determined she has Strabismus. Lazy eye is commonly called Strabimus but they are not the same thing. There is a difference. From everything I have read Strabismus can cause Lazy Eye but Lazy Eye is not always Strabismus. 
This was very very sudden and pretty much freaked me out. Even the Childrens Dr was stunned about the suddenness of its appearance. Since its a holiday weekend we couldn't get into the Pediatric Opthamologist until Tues. The eye obviously bothered her because she was holding it closed, either with her hand or winking it closed, all day. I ran by the store and picked up eye patches. Once I patched her 'good' eye it made the 'bad' eye go straight. She woke up Sat morning with her eyes back to normal, which was wonderful. She woke up yesterday with her eyes crossed again.  We had her patched all day so she didnt have double vision, holding her eye closed with her hand or by winking, and could play normally. She woke up this morning with her eyes back to normal again. Everything I've read says this can come and go but (obviously) still needs to be corrected.

So, please pray for that appointment tomorrow as we'll get an official diagnosis and a plan of action.

With all this we thought....ok, another bump in the road for our trip. Even if we cant get her glasses in time for our trip we can just patch her eye on the days theyre crossed and she'll have to enjoy Disney World that day. Kinda sad but still doable.

Thursday I was having issues with my new blackberry my brother had given me. So, I took it to the Verizon store to see what was wrong. She suggested a software upgrade and when she did it it crashed my phone. Her response was basically 'ohh, the white screen of deaht. Sorry.' And sent me on my way. I didnt understand how I could walk into Verizon with a working phone and walk out with a phone they crashed and not be given a replacement phone...or something. I figured since I wasnt the one who actually bought the phone that was the reason. So, I was without a phone for several days. (If you called or texted and I didnt respond, that is why) 

 Last Sun (Aug 29) Derek was playing flag football with some guys from church and he slipped as he was running (full speed, he wanted me to add), fell and cracked his collar bone in 2 places. 11 days before we were supposed to leave for Disney. Inconvienent but manageable. 


So, this is where we stand. Its been an awful week and hopefully tomorrow we'll have a better understanding of everything going on with Audrey and with my dad. 


I have a phone again so I can recieve texts and phone calls again. 


Thanks in advance for all the prayers!

Edited to add: I have an amazing amount of peace about everything right now (thank you Jesus!). I'm praying that no matter the outcome God will be glorified through all the circumstances and it will all work together for good. Im clinging to His promises and constantly reminding Him of them ;)